We’re just seated here speaking in turns. It’s a lively pastiche of conversation on anything that doesn’t make sense. Sort of ‘Where on earth did you get Syphillis?‘ and other stories. False stories. The ladies are in the kitchen. Where they supposedly belong. Where the knives are kept. Dangerous creatures they are. They’re rolling the chapatis while chirping away as if they know everything. I want to stand and stretch as I go and peep at the progress in there as I remind them that “NOBODY KNOWS EVERYTHING; EXCEPT MY GRANDMA OBVIOUSLY.”
I’m anxious. I’m waiting. I badly need my evening caffeine fix. It’s the only sign that I’m slowly morphing into an adult. I’m so tired after a long day online. Working. Or what I pretend to do. BUT that makes me hungry and earns me the bucks. That gives me the right to eat. The ensuing hunger has catapulted me into my bunny-wild side. I’m nibbling a clean carrot I snatched from one of Kate’s friend’s groceries.
My eyes are cunningly hunting for the remote control. Watching ‘Gaithers’ sing would probably thin out the boredom. Kate and her boyfriend’s house is just stifling heat. So hot, I think I’ve denatured my brain. That’s why I’m making a senseless type-away. I only know the two of them. Everyone else is a stranger to me. In fact the stranger next to me is so rude. He just sent back his cup of tea to be filled to the brim. Yeah, tea just arrived. Not coffee.
Know what brought us here? A baby. Everyone came with a gift for the small lad. I wanted to tag along a simple, home-made catapult a hawker convinced me to buy two days ago. He suggested I should as well shoot real doves instead of playing ‘angry birds’. Never having played that game, I bought it. I don’t have it here though. I thought about the doves and that got me a new hobby. Selfish you say? I should have as well bought a kite. That will remind me what happens to my dreams. They just fly over me.
The new mummy gets into the room. She’s glowing like the transfiguration. I know. It’s as inane as it sounds. Everyone suddenly mills around the brand new little earthling as it recoils in a blush. It’s kinda 5 days old. I don’t know how to behave in such gatherings. Why did i even come? “To bless the baby” was one of the epithets laced on my invite card. Actually, everyone here has a baby or two. That makes me the ugly duckling. This is what happens in the mind of a humanoid who listens to music more than he listens to people.
What a slice of disappointment. I thought we’d do the food first before this tirade of holy pacification that has just began. We start singing ‘then sings my soul’ but frankly, my soul hardly sings in physical hunger. In fact I only sing in the bathroom. Should have passed by my place first. The ‘Rolling Stones’ may have had time on their side but the rattling worms in my tummy don’t. I wish we humans had that option of sticking our heads under our wings like chicken do. It’d help me hide my duck-face which is my normal face when I don’t know what to do.
I’ve had enough. I spot something on the stool besides me. That must be my phone. I pick it and shoot out of the house as if answering a call. Escape wish granted. I shut the door behind me. I curve a grin. Then I look at my hand. Oh no! It’s the T.V’s remote control! Either way, I’m not going back in there.
Kate, after you read this post, you’ll know where the remote control went. Don’t call me. I left my phone over. Please understand. I needed a caffeine shot. And food. But mostly coffee. It never gets worse. I’m an addict.