This is just another of those posts.
Social media makes me miss when a certain person’s boat would just drift away from yours in the natural current of life and that was how it was. Sorry, I been away for some time. Apparently there’s this wildgirlincampus who’s a new noisemaker in this blog. We were friends during the stone-age, then life happens and people disappear, then back-to-friends-on-twitter-and-facebook.
She is an idiot. An adorable, gorgeous, feisty, funny, sweet idiot. Good thing she said she is never gonna reveal her real identity here. I bumped into her (i swear i didn’t do it intentionally) on the twitter streets while tweeting lazily in the very hot afternoon African sun. I guessed she was literally trying to burn her calories when she sped past me fast at a speed of 30 tweets a second and then she stopped ahead, I pulled over, and it all started like, ”I saw that you “favorited” my tweet. You want me, don’t you?” Anyway, she convinced me with a story of how she’s been enjoying the free rides Mother Earth gives her around the sun so as to coax out my tale of how I’d bought bae flowers that shrunk in the rain and then she came up with this short story(?) . My best friend saw his story all over this blog and i ended up looking like the silly old gossiper. She’s made me wake up with an itching to fight someone….. Who wants to spit teeth?
Do not believe all she says. She may start whining that she’s Mrs. WildVentures and all but hey… Of course I reminded her that the only things that hold a special place in my heart are my arteries.
We later on agreed on a meet-up at Kencom. Anyhow, she was about to sit on this concrete thingies all over town written i-refuse-to-plant-my-butt-here-doing-nothing when i gave her a shove before a city council cop narrowed down on his hunt. Then it hit me that that body has more food than her refrigerator. Man! She heavy! If people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane. Anyway, I’d saved her life, somehow, and i was planning to store that as bait for future use, before she brushed aside my aspirations as:
“Ever heard of the rule of three?”
“If you save somebody’s life three times, their life belongs to you. You saved my life today, that makes once. Save it twice more an I’m all yours.”
But like always, I never let anyone push me around unless it’s in a wheelbarrow because that might actually be fun. I decide to dash into a public loo as I think of next course of action, but in there I come across some warning written on the bathroom stall door: “HEY! I saw you take that poo, put it back!”. I stopped what I was doing instantly; not imma allow another push-around, then i dash out like a hardworking citizen. Woo unto those who recognize blog-writers on the streets.
I’m there again with wildgirlincampus and one glance at her reminds me that she has this condition that keeps her from going on a diet. It’s called hungry. An order of fries at KFCs and i began telling her how to get a life and lose weight. She claimed she’s lost enough in her life; lost a pet, years her credit card and now weight? Too much work. Of course I knew she’d never follow my advice, just like all masses of people, because if all did, I’d throw it off a cliff. Then like every girl, i tell her about WildVentures. She get’s so happy she wants to mark her territory inside ‘there’. I actually mean inside here.
I always never object to feminine pleas, so we had to come up with some rules to enable a cordial working relationship… whatever that means.
- No use of damn hard curse words, unless Kenya Power and Lighting decide, mid-post, to remind you that you’ve not paid your electricity bills. ‘Always’ and ‘never’ are other two words you should always remember never to use.
- If you want to shoot the general, first shoot the horse! If you wanna shoot the general, then you should just SHOOT THE GENERAL! What we meant is write all that’s in your f…unny head!
- We’ll solve all the problems in this relationship by creating three new ones as distractions.
- WildVentures isn’t a Christmas special! This is our life. In the real world, miracles and goodness just don’t happen.
- What peeps say about us is as useless as tits on bull.
Then guess what?
I stopped doing this post, and was washing the dishes and the sneaky bastardess somehow crept up behind me and left this awkward footprints on the site => Poem: What’s big? If you’ve never seen me, I actually don’t have a big head as she claims. If you have and you tell me I look like someone you know, I might get panicked and think you’re on to me. I thought nobody saw me abduct some guy in the blogosphere and steal his identity.
But surely, this post by wildgirlincampus has left me in stitches. She promised a good deal of short stories, and then what? On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats is she? She just confirmed, that: Women, like cats, never stay where you put them.
Like I said, this is just another of those posts :(.