Hahaha, i just laughed because my mum’s kinda like this:
So with such mums you should understand why i’m always broke. Anyway, i’m still in campus, we are so many of us. And despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? A rough week just ended so nicely thanks to #OnlyAKenyanMumWill trending on twitter. If you were born in the nineties, like me, just know we are the new oldies. You can support me as I tell these kiddies hovering around here how cruel our mums were before children’s rights. The broomstick whippings and cooking stick landings on my backside due to my naughty, mischievous endeavors were innumerable. These days a kiddo trips and falls while walking with their mummy, all i hear is sorry sweetheart , oh c’mon you’re the hero, get up honey (even when the idiot is the chief bully in his school) as he/she is dusted and patted like a faithful dog. One day i tripped, know what mom said? She went silent for 3 minutes before blurting out, “Endelea kutembea ukiangalia mawingu.” (Continue walking looking at the clouds). Oh, my mum should be reading this so let’s change the story to today’s story :).
The other day i was explaining to someone why i don’t need a relationship in this life, just Kshs 50 million to live and strong WiFi. This was after my fail in a jav when i told a lady i was setting with as she alighted “Would you like a map? I wouldn’t want you to get lost on your way to me.” She told me “that’s the poorest line I’ve ever heard, what are you, a geography teacher?” (Geography teachers, no beef here, but i hated that thing in high school .) I had really liked her, yeah just liked her because she looked real, not with hell of paint like those monster-cum-ladies who remind me of the horror movies i watch!! At one time I in fact just got lost and tangled up (like the earphones in my pocket, so you get the real scenario here) in thought , you know how thinking can be unfamiliar territory to me (i rarely think) so I was even singing in the mathree. Now friend lemme tell you, if i sing around you i am 150% comfortable with you because i really hate my singing voice.
Just to take you back, I’d just left the doctor’s having gone there to get something for ‘wind’. The idiot told me to try a kite, so in the jav i was behaving and ‘holding strong’. On the other hand , you have your other fingers 😀 . I know you’re wondering where this’ leading you to. Nowhere actually, because the reason i was giving my pal these reasons of not being in a relationship is because i was broke and i wanted him to be jovial enough to be compelled to pay the bill for the fast foods we were munching.
Anyway bad luck follows me everywhere, see? Guess that’s why my dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what do you expect from a crossbreed? Talking bad luck because when i was a kid i broke all windows at home and in school, dad had to install Ubuntu and do away with Microsoft Windows too. Mum’s plates weren’t spared either. She got used to that trend until she’d randomly put a plate anywhere and say, “Nimekuwekea hapo ndio uvunje”. I therefore know i can break things and i now want to spare your hearts ladies. Yeah, I’m blurting out why I’m not for relationships. It actually is for your own good , or who wants such a heart?
Another reason is that my dog would bark at you. I hate him going barky like the little bitch she is, so I’d prefer… did i not say she barks at everyone. So, no relationship. I also think that most likely a relationship would require me and her(the girl) to have covalent ionic bonds(?). Don’t bother trying to get that one. It’s just science!!
There are some girls that are just way too dramatic and over analyze every situation. So imma just take things for what they are and know that not everything is going to happen my way. (Now I’m preaching) If i have a dramatic girlfriend, then it’s going to be annoying having to deal with her and her antics. Then I’m gonna find myself wasting too much time trying to fix things that aren’t working. Like my old bike, never works!!
My 20s are the most pivotal time for my life. This is the time i will build the foundation for the rest of my life. I shouldn’t be spending this worrying about someone else. how am i going to care for someone else when i myself do not know what i truly want? I’m very confused, veeeery confused. Actually i want to be an entrepreneur 😀 😀 but they don’t teach that in campus.
Did i say i pass wind? I didn’t? Well, weighing the doctor’s advice, I’ve got a new hobby. Been a bored freak for long, just blogging and blogging all day long huh? kites, yeah kites will do!! Of course the only relationship that would survive if i pass wind is the relationship with my kite.
Last reason is that no one cares, though everyone does when I’ve not paid their dues (my debts). Who’s for me? hahaha. Mike ended up paying the bill after such a story :D. By the way, I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any. If you do , just get to me. It should be perfectly camouflaged to it’s surrounding so that you don’t see it, so that you don’t get to me, because my dog will bark at you and I’ll have to tell you why i don’t like relationships. I LOVE WI-FI.